a confession of an untrained mind
This writing business is hard.
I've always had the trouble writing serious and entertaining and true stuff when I know that there are people I know IRL reading.
Censorship is necessary to avoid some conflicts, for me its mostly to avoid the ones I have with myself.
The thing is: I'm kind of a secretive person. Im not mysterious or trying to be exciting. There might not be anything interesting to find inside but still: I don't like to tell much about myself to people.
Don't want most people to tell me too much either (it always creates expectations from them that I should tell more... unnecessary friction)
Anyways, I've also never written much public stuff.. some short-stories (couple of them won some stupid contests) and blog.
The things I write are strange.
And I dont meen amusingly strange with new corky ideas. No, I mean strange like in "is this really a language"? (quote marks since I actually said that once)
So, Now you know why I have such a hard time writing down private stuff. Im not used to it. I expect a lot of crap coming out of the minor truths I share and I have no intention in trying to be funny, new or even creative. Fukk it. Im writing this with all together different motives, trust me. It has to start here.
Im in love. This is perhaps the largest Ive ever felt. With large I mean it colours my whole world. I dont know if its an answered love yet. Feels like I dont have to either. Not right now. Right now allowing this feeling to take over is enough.
It does not scare me like it used to. It doesnt feel like I'm being intruded, taken over and held hostage like it felt before.
This feels more like.. well.. more like a new part of me. A superior part. A lovely part. A deadly dangerous part.
So with this post I welcome this new in me and wish it to turn into something good.
I've always had the trouble writing serious and entertaining and true stuff when I know that there are people I know IRL reading.
Censorship is necessary to avoid some conflicts, for me its mostly to avoid the ones I have with myself.
The thing is: I'm kind of a secretive person. Im not mysterious or trying to be exciting. There might not be anything interesting to find inside but still: I don't like to tell much about myself to people.
Don't want most people to tell me too much either (it always creates expectations from them that I should tell more... unnecessary friction)
Anyways, I've also never written much public stuff.. some short-stories (couple of them won some stupid contests) and blog.
The things I write are strange.
And I dont meen amusingly strange with new corky ideas. No, I mean strange like in "is this really a language"? (quote marks since I actually said that once)
So, Now you know why I have such a hard time writing down private stuff. Im not used to it. I expect a lot of crap coming out of the minor truths I share and I have no intention in trying to be funny, new or even creative. Fukk it. Im writing this with all together different motives, trust me. It has to start here.
Im in love. This is perhaps the largest Ive ever felt. With large I mean it colours my whole world. I dont know if its an answered love yet. Feels like I dont have to either. Not right now. Right now allowing this feeling to take over is enough.
It does not scare me like it used to. It doesnt feel like I'm being intruded, taken over and held hostage like it felt before.
This feels more like.. well.. more like a new part of me. A superior part. A lovely part. A deadly dangerous part.
So with this post I welcome this new in me and wish it to turn into something good.
posted by Naru | 11:42 PM
1 Comments:
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