Murmur..

en sån där..

2008-04-28T21:07:00.003+02:00

SÅ FORT DU LÄST DETTA HAR DU BLIVIT UTMANAD!
Regler: Du måste svara på alla frågor och sen utmana alla som läser detta.

DIG:
1. Hur lång är du? 158 och en halv cm
2. Vad vill du bli när du bli stor? ingen aning. och är jag inte redan stor?
3. Vad pluggar du? tråkiga nödvändiga skitämnen.
4. Har du långt hår? japp
5. Vilken hårfärg har du? brunish
6. Sminkar du dig? ibland. inte alltid
7. Har du haft sex senaste månaden? nej
9. Vad har du för färg på dina underkläder just nu? lila med svart mönster
10. Har du kysst någon idag? nej

FAMILJ:
1. Bor dina föräldrar ihop? nej. en är i himlen
2. Vem är bäst, mamma eller pappa? går inte jämföra
3. Hur många syskon har du? ett halvt
4. Vad är det senaste du sa till din mamma? hejdå
5. Vilken mat lagade din pappa senast? det var för länge sedan... han brukade gilla göra wok
6. Hur många ställen har du bott på? 8 tror jag. några jag inte kommer ihåg
7. Vem i din familj stör du dig mest på? inte så många o välja på.. mama
8. Vilken familjemedlem är snällast? det är väl mama igen...
9. När hittade du senast på något tillsammans med ett syskon? såg storasyster senast efter pappas begravning

KOMPISAR:
1. När var du senast med nån kompis? idag förmiddag
2. Vem sov du hos senast av dina kompisar? Monica
3. Har du kysst nån kompis? japp
4. Har du varit tillsammans med någon du nu är kompis med? nej.
5. Vem har du varit kompis med längst? hmm... ingen aning.. flera som jag känt sen typ 14-15 års åldern
6. Vem känner dig bäst? alla känner nog olika delar..
7. Längsta tid du varit osams med en kompis? många år
8. Skulle du säga till en kompis att du hatade hans/hennes tröja om du gjorde det? don't ask, don't tell.
9. Känner du dig tvingad till att umgås med vissa kompisar? bara genom andra och inget jag tycker är jobbigt

KLÄDER:
1. Vad har du på dig nu? mörkblå jeans, brunt linne med mintgröna döskallar och brun tunika
2. Har du bytt om idag? jadå
3. Favorittröja? flera. oftast i mörka färger och bekväma
4. Sexigaste klädesplagget på andra könet? snyggt sittande jeans/byxor och skjorta o fin väst
5. Har du gett bort kläder nån gång? det har jag väl
6. Har du ångrat ett klädköp nån gång? självklar
7. Har du handlat kläder via internet? det har hänt
8. Har du ljugit om bh-storlek nån gång? nej.
9. Fulaste plagget andra könet kan ha? anything rosa. och spännislinnen
10. Vad använder du för skor? jympadojor o kängor

VÅGAR DU:
1. Skrika åt dina föräldrar? japp
2. Klä dig annorlunda? alltid. klär ut mig inte upp mig
3. Vara dig själv? det anser jag att man är alltid i olika former
4. Visa dig i bikini/badbyxor? vågar men vill inte.
5. Fisa inför din pojk/flickvän? efter ett tag
6. Pierca dig? JA!! anytime anywhere
8. Ha sex på offentlig plats? vågar, gillar inte
9. Vara omogen? är jag ofta
10. Äta småkryp? samma som tidigare. vågar vill inte

SKOLAN:
1. Vad heter din skola? åsö
2. Vad heter din favoritlärare? har inte
3. Vad är ditt favoritämne? språk, historia
4. Snyggaste läraren på skolan? finns inte
5. Har du bra betyg? när jag orkar med
6. Tråkigaste ämnet? kemi o fysik..
7. Har du skolkat mycket senaste året? en del dåliga dagar har gjort det ja
8. Har du fuskat på prov? aldrig
9. Hur tar du dig till skolan? går
10. Har du gjort mer än kyssas med någon när du vart i skolan? inte ens det

1. Vet du vem FATO är? ingen aning
2. När tuggade du tuggummi senast? förra veckan
3. När var du på semester senast? finlandskryssning? innan det var jag vi i riga
4. Vilken färg är det på din tandborste? vit
5. Är ditt hår tråkigt? mycket, men förhoppningsvis inte länge till
6. Vad har du för påslakan just nu? randig och en med medaljonger (två täcken)
7. Vem såg dig naken senast? exet
8. Hur ofta duschar du? varje dag
9. Gillar du BUBBEL ROLLER? ingen aning om det vad det är
10. När ska du gå och lägga dig ikväll? inte för sent

Its been ages

2008-02-08T11:55:00.000+01:00

I've not written anything here in a couple of years, maybe thats why I have the courage to do it now. I hardly think I have any readers left.
I'm scared. I've never felt this bad before. I'm aching in to pieces, and can't concentrate on anything, yet if I sit still my heart pounds and I think I'm going to die. This anxiety is slowly killing me. I think I'm losing the one I love. I can't bare the thought. It's too much. I just cry and cry and cry. I talk to him and he sounds like a stranger. As soon as we hang up I pick up the phone again to call my boy and hear him say that he loves me, then I realize it was him I was talking to. I miss him... how can this be? How can one live on? I don't know how to do it.. I don't know what to do.. It feels like I'm just loosing everything... everything...

2006-05-16T09:21:00.000+02:00

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Another dollar well spent...

2006-03-08T09:38:00.000+01:00

So a new computer does not meen its a perfect computer. The first night our brand new screen decided not to work. well, ok, just back to the store about 12 hours after purchase and argue with the sellers so that we got a new one. But now theres a new problem, our speakers wont work. Just with headphones so that I cant listen to pretty music while I'm cleaning- *sigh*
Back to the store again it is... They must be wondering how we treat our belongings... crap
Other than that, all is cool. I'm finally beaten down the cold thats been herassing me for a couple of weeks. Our dog is a very naughty one indeed and has occupied our bed though its forbidden area for her. Still I love her to pieces.

Now its time to get fresh and oh so clean. Later.

Moneyspending

2006-03-07T17:59:00.000+01:00

Yesterday me and my boy took our asses over the one of the largest computerstores in sweden and got ourselves a totally shining new meka-computer. Its got it all. Especially the price of the package was extraordinary. But now we are happy. Finally

I got my own printer and I'll never have to go home to someone to open adobefiles and I can even listen to the radio here...
yey, today its been j-pop net radio all through the day... bliss..

Right now it's country though, that I thought was american, exccept for commercials in deutch?

2006-03-03T09:53:00.000+01:00

width="240" height="180"
alt="Networked Artificial Repair Unit"
border="0">

HI

2006-02-08T11:18:00.000+01:00

Just that you know; I'm still here. Just having some problems with the dear old comp.
I have a lot to write about.
A couple of weeks ago our family welcomed a new member, Siiri the dog. She is beautiful and full of mean beans. Pictures coming up later.
Right now I'm trying to figure out how I will manage to go to work next week. My bebe will be all alone...

so this is the thing:

2005-10-30T21:07:00.000+01:00

I don't feel good.
I'm sorry if you need me.
I can't help you. I can't help anyone.

I have anxiety attacks. This friday was the worst yet. Couldn't breathe for a long time, and when I finally started again my whole body ached. My body has been shivering since. My soul can't keep up. My heart is out of order.

Sometimes I have to find out that I am creep just to know that I'm able to move on.

I can't help.
I can't be helped.

what is it with this month?

2005-10-25T10:56:00.000+02:00

Almost everyone I know is having a crappy month.
I lost my job. I cant start studying because if I do I wont get any money. huh. So they just want me to sit on my fat ass and complain while trying to find some work I'm actually capable to do. swell.

No, I'm not one happy camper... The job I couldn't care less about, but the studying really hurts... I want to!! But I can't live off nothing.
So my english is bad, but maybe just because I didn't get to take that advanced english class.

Screw you world, I'm going home.

fall.....

2005-09-16T10:22:00.000+02:00

Since the last post I wrote, another year has crept up on my shoulders. 24 is ever, oh, so close to 25 which we all know is closer to 30 than 20... hmm.. age. weird thing really. Have I learned more? experienced more? grown?
well, the answer to all that is "yes". Does it show? that one ain't too clear to me.

Anywhoos.
I'm not comfortable in writing in english, but I have no clue what language would suite my blog. Swedish or finnish would only be narrowing down the (very few) readers that I all ready have... so.. bad english it is then.

Theres a lot going on in my life. Right now I might have another familymember joining us soon... no worries, no bebes yet. Its a dog named Elvis. I'm hoping he would feel comfortable with us, and we with him. He's kind of big though... and has the scariest bark ever.. but he's nice and cute as a button.

I'm still living with ma boy. He is lovely and equally illtempered. To saY; we love and fight passionetly. (spelling on that? oink?)

Still working my ass off for sadly bad money. what can you do, eyh?
School will be starting soon and once again I will stupid and smart at the same time, strange how that does that to you.

Friends I love. Those that are real anywhoos... someone made me happy by moving here, another just for staying and the rest don't have blogs ;)

I love autumn!!! Its wonderful, windy and stormy. Resembling my inner.

btw; anyone wanna help me make a new design?

2005-08-23T10:25:00.000+02:00

Hey!!
I'm back. Now I'm gonna be writing regulary again, got a new computer and a new table and a new inspiration and a new everything!!!
I love redecorating!! We went shopping and bought lots of new fun stuff at the housegod.
I'm happy. I'm cleaning and I'm singing. Life is nice, even though not perfect. I promise I'll write more later, but now its all about cleaning and stuff...
Tataa

So find anything positive about this...

2005-07-27T09:16:00.000+02:00

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (30%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness (43%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion (36%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Haha!

...

2005-03-04T12:32:00.000+01:00

True or false
I found this here

Bold items are true.

I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
I’ve Never Crashed A Friend’s Car
I’ve Never Been To Japan
I’ve Never Been In A Taxi
I’ve Never Been In Love
I’ve Never Had Sex In Public
I’ve Never Been Dumped
I’ve Never Done Cocaine
I’ve Never Shoplifted
I’ve Never Been Fired
I’ve Never Been In A Fist Fight
I’ve Never Had Group Intercourse
I’ve Never Snuck Out Of My Parents’ House
I’ve Never Been Tied Up
I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone
I’ve Never Been Arrested
I’ve Never Made Out With A Stranger
I’ve Never Stolen Something From My Job
I’ve Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square
I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date
I’ve Never Lied To A Friend
I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher
I’ve Never Celebrated Mardi Gras In New Orleans
I’ve Never Been To Europe
I’ve Never Skipped School
I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker
I’ve Never Cut Myself On Purpose
I’ve Never Had Sex At The Office
I’ve Never Been Married
I’ve Never Been Divorced
I’ve Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week
I’ve Never Posed Nude
I’ve Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them
I’ve Never Killed Anyone
I’ve Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner
I’ve Never Thrown Up In A Bar
I’ve Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire
I’ve Never Eaten Sushi
I’ve Never Been Snowboarding
I’ve Never Had Sex At A Friend’s House While They Were Throwing A Party
I’ve Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room
I’ve Never Flashed Anyone
I’ve Never Met Anyone From Online

So u noticed...

2005-03-02T14:50:00.000+01:00

that im not blogging that much no more?
well, babies, theres several explanations, but the truth is that blogging just havent been my thing lately. It could be that Ive found my way back, but it all depends.

Right now I'm:

-worried. Had an enourmous amount of stomachpains for several weeks. Gonna have it checked out sometime next week.
-tired. guess I'm too old to party.
-annoyed. Where the hell is all my stuff? its no fun living in two places at the same time. feels like i dont live in either. wonder if there's ever gonna be room for me anywhere? my place?
-stressed out. I have four exams next week. lets all give an enormously ironic "woot" for that one.
-in love. The boy is fantastic, but all the other stuff makes me forget that from time to time.
-confused. My grandfather died but I have not a single emotion except worrying about how my moms taking it. I didnt know him and I never wanted to get to know him.

thats about it for now...

I need to talk...

2005-01-12T15:02:00.000+01:00

I need someone to talk to, but I just cant get hold off anyone. BF won't answer the phone. Neither will anyone else.. meh, that just leaves blogging.
So, newsupdate:
-Im even more in love. Its almost been a month now, and it's just plain fantastic.
-Started school again, its all good, except I dont know if I can afford the books. hmm.
-Work is utter chaos. People fighting everywhere.
-My sister is an insensitive b*tch. If you didn't already know...
so.. I got a letter from the sis again today, and "hooray", she won. Im gonna sell the house in finland. Do I got a choice?
It hurts sooo much but at the same time I know its the right thing...
ash, I cant tell you more on the internet.
Gonna track down some people. bye.

A quickie for your satisfaction...

2004-12-22T09:53:00.000+01:00

...just here to tell you that im ok. Hell, im more than ok. Im fantastic. So much in love!!! He is sooo fine!!!!
More later.
Merry X-mas!

Congratulations motherland!

2004-12-06T20:36:00.000+01:00

Today it is the day that we Finnish people celebrate our independence! Its a big day with one of the funniest parties ever. And with funny I do mean that I laugh myself silly watching the famous people dress up and dance at a silly ball. Yeah, they actually show the whole thing on tv. And you know what? No tango. Funny, eyh?
You should just see the things people put on when they are being "posh" *laughs*

still stuck

2004-12-05T13:57:00.000+01:00

I dont know what to write about. Right now all I do is work (12 and a half hours yesterday...). And I'm kinda happy. It's good to get my mind off some things (money, relatives, love and all the other things that makes life a b**ch). Sadly, that also makes me forget other stuff, like yesterday I left the oven on... woops. and an hour ago I noticed that computer had been on several days without me noticing.. hmm...

So, I will try to write something meaningful some day. But today its just blubber...

2004-11-29T21:41:00.000+01:00

slippers picture nr 2

2004-11-29T21:31:00.000+01:00

my new slippers... hear me roar!!

zzzzzzzzssshhhhhhhhh

2004-11-23T23:16:00.000+01:00

Im too tired to post anything. Had this really long post written but blogger refuses to show it. ah. who cares.
Im actually thinking about getting some sleepingpills (not pills that are sleeping, but pills that are gonna help me to sleep d'oh).
Anyone have any experiences of those? good? bad? would like to hear it...
And my luws Kara and Ebi, where art thou? Unreachable? Miss you!

exhausted..

2004-11-16T21:46:00.000+01:00

People always wanna believe in those fairytales...
And I am not that different..
Not saying that this time being it is one, neither saying it isnt :)

I sleep really badly. Wake up and start to smile and cant go to sleep again.
I have neither been able to eat that much today. Actually not much at all.

But still I've had a fabulous time.
Except I get mad sometimes when friends refuse to see things my way. I try to see their point of view, why is it always so hard to accept I have my own opinions??
Eh.

a confession of an untrained mind

2004-11-15T23:42:00.000+01:00

This writing business is hard.
I've always had the trouble writing serious and entertaining and true stuff when I know that there are people I know IRL reading.
Censorship is necessary to avoid some conflicts, for me its mostly to avoid the ones I have with myself.
The thing is: I'm kind of a secretive person. Im not mysterious or trying to be exciting. There might not be anything interesting to find inside but still: I don't like to tell much about myself to people.
Don't want most people to tell me too much either (it always creates expectations from them that I should tell more... unnecessary friction)

Anyways, I've also never written much public stuff.. some short-stories (couple of them won some stupid contests) and blog.
The things I write are strange.
And I dont meen amusingly strange with new corky ideas. No, I mean strange like in "is this really a language"? (quote marks since I actually said that once)
So, Now you know why I have such a hard time writing down private stuff. Im not used to it. I expect a lot of crap coming out of the minor truths I share and I have no intention in trying to be funny, new or even creative. Fukk it. Im writing this with all together different motives, trust me. It has to start here.

Im in love. This is perhaps the largest Ive ever felt. With large I mean it colours my whole world. I dont know if its an answered love yet. Feels like I dont have to either. Not right now. Right now allowing this feeling to take over is enough.
It does not scare me like it used to. It doesnt feel like I'm being intruded, taken over and held hostage like it felt before.
This feels more like.. well.. more like a new part of me. A superior part. A lovely part. A deadly dangerous part.
So with this post I welcome this new in me and wish it to turn into something good.

Seen this somewhere before?

2004-11-15T01:55:00.000+01:00

I thought I recognized the signs:
-Can't eat even though Im hungry. Just oatmeal.
-Dizziness
-cant concentrate
-constantly hallucinating due to stupid daydreams
etc etc etc

This can't be good....

Haha

2004-11-09T23:19:00.000+01:00

I must be one of the clumsiest people in this strange cold little country. Right now I count my bruises to about ten-ish. Almost all gained this weekend at work. Not even talking about all the other injuries.
I would post a picture of my knee, but I really dont wanna grose you out.

Im kind of gitty right now.
*skips away*

?

2004-10-30T01:51:00.000+02:00

My back against the wind
Face from the grey
Standing alone
The world just a call away
Stroke on dark chocolate bown hair
The tears in corner of left eye
Pain in parts of body
Damn this human-ness of me
Feeling
Not mine
Lost

That was my day today

When all the clouds are gone...

2004-10-28T23:44:00.000+02:00

This is insane!! insane, insane, insane.
For the first time in a long time I can not claim confusion to reign me. Quite the opposite. Im clear in my head, I know what I want, what I need and stuff. And I dont like it.

Yesterday evening was spent with dude, beer, videogames and a movie. Mix in a couple of cigarettes, laughs and stuff and you got the whole picture.

Today was spent on a theater with dude and friend. And a coke afterwards at a local bar. The play was really good and different. The companions and me were all very tired.

It all should be so perfect and yet it is all so... clean?

I dont know if my feelings are enough.

I just feel like crying.

2004-10-27T16:02:00.000+02:00

my new fabulous boots!!

feeling like an artobject..

2004-10-26T13:22:00.000+02:00

You know theres something wrong with your appearence when even the freak on the bus thinks you're freakish.
I wonder what it was that gave me all those gazes?
My pants with giant holes in them?
The skin just leaving my face due to the cold & wet weather we are having?
The thousands of bags with stuff in my hands?
My 6 year old sneakers that actually have no shape no more?
My 5 year old jacket that really doesnt go with anything else?
My hair going in all different directions, leaving me looking like a misshaped medusa?
The mascara under my eyes (it was raining..)?
Anyways. I smiled at the staring people. They didn't smile back. Quelle suprise.

And then they come, those moments of clarity.

2004-10-25T01:05:00.000+02:00

Talking with one of your closest and suddenly you realize what it is that is wrong.
She is one of the people that the world would be sooo much poorer without.
And one of those I would almost certainly be lost without.
The beauty is that she feels the same way.
I really dont believe I could ever trust to need someone that would not need me.

Anywhoo, what we talked about will stay between us.
But there were this iceclear and a little cold realizations.
And I know I have changed. Looking back only a couple of months I see that I'm not the same person anymore.
More confident, yes. I've chosen to cut out some people from my life. Chose to let some others get closer. Chose to leave the mental prison I put myself in years ago, and though I have not left it completely, I have at least found the lock and parts of the key.
Yeah I know, just bullshit in print, the same lines you can read in any selfhelp-"change your thinking"books, but still true.
And do know this, I am more a feeling than a thinking person, despite what you think about me. So thinking right does not always change my life, feeling right almost always does. You really don't have to feel the same way, but you do have to just let me have my own way to deal with things.

As always discussions on life tend to lean in on the subject of love now and then..
I dont know if I can love the same way again.
The way I did before, pure, big, trusting.
And I feel I will always love Him (first love) still.
But it is truly time to move on.

I dont know where this new thing is going, but I know that people are stressing me to the point that I just wanna break it off.
And I wont let them do that to me. Whatever way this is going, it is still just between him and me.
Why isn't it "promitted" in this world to actually take things slow??? At first people understood, but hey, now its gone a month (ONE MONTH, people!!! just one!), shouldn't I call him my boyfriend??? No. And people have the nerve to actually comment on it?

I'm tired of the world stressing me. I can't and won't do as most people want me to. Final. Goodness, I'm in such a need of a drink.

Tired, tired, tired...

2004-10-20T23:33:00.000+02:00

Caught a cold, wanna strangle the d*cks (oh no wait, just girls...) well, the c*nts then that I work with and I erased a whole game (dont ask me how, I guess I was sleepwalking or something) that I really, really liked (and someone else too...) and I dont know how to make a more-than-friend relationship work...

How does one do it?
How do you people out there put up with everything?

Im so sad that everyday when I walk out that door I have to meet the people, oh yeah, THE PEOPLE, that seriously think they are openminded and perfect and never makes any mistakes, and complain and blame others and take credit for everything!! Im so sad that they never think what they are doing is actually wrong. Am I the only one?

Only one admitting being weak, doing mistakes, do things my way and hope (not expecting) to get credit from it, not telling if someone else does? Trying my best, and yes, being irritated at people, but at same time understanding that they are all as bad as me? Is this what our years, and years of evolution has taken us to? pettiness? illbehaving? falseness? fear? For those who claim that humans are the highest and most noble lifeform, I dare to say I disagree, even if it maybe just is right now in this moment.

And when I finally try to say something in the nicest possible way, they attack.
Im so tired of it.
Thank God for my lovely friends, You have always been fabulous, you are fantastic and I hope you stay that way. Thank you.

And I know I've been blogging about this before, but it just gets to me.

I think I had some sunnier news, but in the middle of all this rain, I can't remember, and actually; who cares?

new items..

2004-10-14T01:29:00.000+02:00

Girls, would you like one of these? I, myself, found the whole idea somewhat creepy. I think I would prefer the real thing...

Im all over it, beer..

2004-10-12T11:50:00.000+02:00

Im sorry Ebi, had to write that one also.

Im not quite sure what to post? What do you want to know? Things happen and happen and happen and these days I havent been able to force myself to write about them.
Im panicking (spelling??) here. Ive met someone... but I am so very truly afraid of those kinds of relationships with people.. And Im not really ready to talk about it. (Kara you are getting a letter though!)
Yesterday was a horrible day. Had a meeting with the second highest boss, and dear lord, do I love when people blame their mistakes and shit on me. Hallelujah, how do you live with yourselfs???
I dont know, dont wanna ever be a boss if I start acting that way. Never.
Aargh. Now Im leaving the subject, starting to get angry again.

Im low once again, why I really dont know..
Its the old restlessness from about three years back that is hunting me once more.
The only time I do feel ease is while dancing. Since not being a natural talent, I have to concentrate and not think about anything else, and believe me, not thinking is good sometimes...

btw: anyone seen our milkfoamer? Its mysteriously disappeared.. And I need it to get my humangous cups of chai!!!!

no new posts in sight...

2004-10-03T01:20:00.000+02:00

... im sorry. I really havent had any time to write. im sorry. the little time im home, I play. Quality time with my cute purple little gamecube.
but now Im gonna sleeep.
nighty night

curing a non-illness..

2004-09-26T23:38:00.000+02:00

This is how I cured my hangover today:
-lots of water
-lack of sleep
-sweet strong tea
-a couple of hours of dancing
-very many smiles and laughs..

And it worked! Im all hyped right now...
I wasnt suppoused to go out this weekend. But I did. anyways.
Got home like 4 am both nights (mornings?).

I feel.. weird.. like... happy. Im not used to this. But things are starting to work... not suddenly... but in time...

Im gonna tell you more when I get the opportunity *smiles*

Dont poke at me with a stick...

2004-09-24T07:23:00.000+02:00

... and the one that makes the dirtiest and funniest remark on the title, gets a price.
Im tired once again. for this time for a reason. Elderly workerman-smelling-funni came to visit and torture my windows.
So it was a brutal awakening at 6 am by... nothing? Im funny when it comes to alarmclocks. Most often I wake up a couple of hours before Ive set the time.. It was no joy getting up this morning though, since I went to bed like 1 am. Hey, I got a reason... stopped working about 11. 23 pm. Home by 12.15 am. See?

Anywhoo... Workerman very efficient. Make life very difficult. Me getting to freeze a lot since all windows are wide open and HEY, newsflash, its not warm in Sweden anymore at this time of year.

Met the lovely Kara on messenger when popping up. Watch out for that Sims 2 lads ^^

Workerman almost hurt picture of dad... grrr...
And me have a guilty conscience when just playing around on computer...
Ugh.. word fail. go elsewhere. now.

2004-09-19T22:28:00.000+02:00

dancing was fun and went well...

Just gonna write some

2004-09-18T13:15:00.000+02:00

.. and then I have to start cleaning.
This place is a mess. Havent been home enough to care lately.
Yesterday turned out to be a mighty intresting day. yeesh.
Me and a crazy friend decided that we needed some more culture in our lifes, so we went on a museumspree.
First we fought our way against the wind to the Eastasian Museum . They have a exhibition on Manga and another one on buddha & China. It was kind of... bleh. I got a bit disappointed. Some great things but mostly just stuff about some series. The older scrolls were fantastic though. Ebi if you wanna see that one, I could see it again *hint*.

Anyways, we bought some fortunecookies (in mine stood: "You have the best friends within your family" Ironic, yes? I would like to change it to: You have the best family within your friends. more correct that way.)

And off we went. All the way (like 50 m?) to the Modern Museum. And that was mostly just crap. In my opinion. Im fascinated what they call art these days. Mostly I enjoyed some of the paintings by the great surrealists.

Anyways. After that we felt pretty much done with culture and decided to go shopping! Yey. I bought a warm and cosy hat for ten kr. Thats like 0.73 GBP, 1.08 EUR or 1.31 USD. Not much at all.
Shopping made us hungry so we went to my workplace to eat (since I was gonna work in a couple hours anywhoo)

At the evening we somehow ended up at a place called Mondo. A place with several bars and floors of partying. Not my kind of stuff, but I drank my beer and laughed at people. The peak of the night was a guy trying to hit on one of my friends while his dreads kept on dipping into everyones drinks. And then he drank someones left over drinks. Loser. *lol*

So that was my exciting yesterday. Tonight is gonna be calm. Got my danceclass tomorrow to think about, yey ^^
I just cant wait!!

I feel so fukkin crappy..

2004-09-15T11:14:00.000+02:00

Im sad. Been crying the morning through.
I got a letter from my sister (who I havent seen for years).
The thing is that our father died some years ago and left a house for us. Its not a fancy or even valuable house, but its my fathers chilldhood home and I grew up spending the summers there.
After he died Ive been there once, couldnt stand it. Everything reminded of him. My sister does not ever want to visit the place.
So she wants to sell her part.
She can legally force me to sell if I dont want to buy her share, which I cant.
Dont have the money. And I dont know if my mom wants to keep it.
I feel like if I sell I will be letting my father down, but what am I going to do with a house that I cant stand visiting?
And this is really not about the money, since its not gigantic sums were talking about.
And why is my sister doing this to me? So much for all the beloved ideas of family.
I dont know what to do.
It feels like its just going downhill with everything.
Why am I writing this?
So you know, mostly.
So you understand why I am asking for you to support me right now.
So you know that even though I care about you a lot, right now Im gonna have a tough time showing it or even supporting you.
Is it gonna be ok?

another useless questionnaire..

2004-09-09T13:00:00.000+02:00

Forgot where I got this one from.. sorry.

1. What time do you get up?
- This morning it was at 7 am with a brutal awakening that included confusion, hurt and some amount of blood.

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
- You mean I cant eat lunch with one person?? or more than one?? Well, a dinner with Sokrates or Jung would never be wrong if you think about the conversation..

3. Gold or Silver?
-Silver. Always. White gold can be ok, otherwise it just looks cheap.

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
- cant remember really...

5. What is/are your favorite TV-show(s)?
- Monty Pythons Flying Circus, Scrubs, Idols, The Osbournes, CSI, South Park, Frasier etc

6. What did you have for breakfast?
- bread with cottage cheese and a gigantic cup of earl grey tea.

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
- George W Bush. You can surely guess why.

8. What/who inspires you?
- mist, rain and unpure thoughts.

9. What is the name your parents were going to name you if you had been of the opposite sex?
- Janne.

10. Beach, City or Country.
- City. Or maybe Country. A countrycity? a Cintry?

11. Favourite icecream?
- pistachio, or raspberry sorbet. Caffe Latte!!!

12. Chocolate covered or yoghurt covered?
- Chocolate!!!

13. Favorite colour?
- White, Red and Black. Sometimes Orange

14. What kind of car would you buy if you had to choose one?
- Aston Martin. They are all beautiful.

15. Favorite sandwich?
- one with a lot of cheese and vegetables.

16. What trait do you despise in people?
- ignorance.

17. Roach or spider?
- ???

18. Where are you going on your next trip?
- Finland? Holland? London? *waves to Kara*

19. What color is your bathroom?
- eeeh, green and white.

20. Without looking, what is the meaning of Ameliorate?
- No idea. Sounds like somekind of coloring? *looks it up* ahaaa....

21. Where would you retire too?
- dunno.

22. Fav day of the week?
- Friday.

23. Paper or plastic?
- Paper.

24. Plastic cups or glasses?
- Glass, except for icecoffee. that I want in a plastic cup.

25. What is the most baffling thing youve seen someone do recently?
- Oh.... *secret*

26. Coke or Pepsi?
- Coke

27. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
- mostly a night owl.

28. Do you have any pets?
- No, not right now. Hoping to get a dog or a rat someday.

well. at least I had something to do.

inside, outside, side?

2004-09-06T22:25:00.000+02:00

My english sucks. Yep *nods* it does.
Came to think of it now when I have an idea for a really good post and I feel that I cant express myself.
Ah wtf. People understand.
Outside. Dont like mirrors.
why? because im bored of my face.
I wanna look special, exotic, unique.
I know I do already, but not in the way I would prefer.
I wanna look like Fairuza Balk, or Christina Ricci or Patharawarin Timkul or Kou Shibasaki.

Okay, I see this post aint going where I wanted it too.
*sigh*
Im just leaving it, okay?

Funny thing:
Still sick, but havent had fever at all. Actually Ive had a too low temperature averaging 35,6 (celsius that is) Think that could be dangerous?
And sometimes I sound like a kitten (cant breathe properly yet, but its getting better)

yap. Dont have anymore crap to write today.

Idols and other funnies..

2004-09-03T21:26:00.000+02:00

The swedish version of Idols started this thursday.
I love that show, dont think ive laughed so much in ages.
People, people, you really dont know anything about yourselfes??
But hey, I dont care if they act like fools, its entertainment for me.

The flu is fine, thanks for asking, but im not.
Todays been the worst day.
Cant hear a thing, the volume on the tv is waking up my neighbours.
My head is too filled with some goo and really aching.
Breathing is getting harder, only my vicks are saving me.
It can only get better.

I wanna go to the movies.
Anyone joining?

[Edit]
So one of my ears popped open, and now I feel crooked.
Im leaning like the tower of pisa, but I think Im more at risk to fall over.
Help?? It hurts and annoyes.
And all the good tv-shows are gone.
And I forgot to return a rentalmovie.
And I miss some people and times gone like crazy.

And. Im smiling.
Odd?

lets cough the days away..

2004-09-02T20:03:00.000+02:00

...so it is in the glorious days of sickness that I am living right now.
My whole body has decided to take a break and let all the germs in to have a party.
Hey, whatever. Having a constant headache, difficulty to swallow or ever breathe and a body that aches all over isnt a humangous problem. I know its gonna pass. But its annoying.

So what else is new?
Well, I still feel kinda unnecessary, since I havent gotten a job yet.

But on the brighter side: Im gonna start linedance on the ninteenth.
Yihaaa.. look at me dance.

Right now Im hoping to get well soon so I can get out and enjoy the glorious fallweather.
Rain.. mmm..

2004-08-26T23:25:00.000+02:00

love go go!!

do--nuts?

2004-08-25T21:51:00.000+02:00

Birthday yesterday...
It was nice.
Drinking, having fun, and even some sushi..
A bit hung over today, but its expected.

Got some nice gifts.
Say hello to my new baby.
me loves her.

Low...

2004-08-23T17:32:00.000+02:00

I feel low.
Feel totally, utterly, endelessly useless.
No-one needs me, no-one cares.
And actually. Im tired of just giving.
Fukk it.
People are just not worth it.

Anyways. Ive been sewing (spelling??) a lot. Never gonna have a future in that.

Wondering why the artificial cherry flavor never tastes like natural cherries do.
Just something we call cherry but it isnt. Cherry-coke is still good.

im trying out new things..

2004-08-20T21:31:00.000+02:00

new moodthingy. gimme comment if you prefer this one or the old?
I know, my page is not looking good right now. Im testing the stuff and deciding what to keep and then I will make a completely new design.
later... *working on stuff*

2004-08-18T11:13:00.000+02:00

From Ebichan

Bold the ones you have seen, and then add three more at the bottom.

1. X-Men
2. The Craft
3. X2
4. Swimfan
5. Fellowship of the Ring
6. Finding Nemo
7. Peter Pan
8. Home Alone
9. Aladdin
10. The Ring
11. 10 Things I Hate About You
12. Not Another Teen Movie
13. Spiceworld
14. 8 Mile
15. Bambi
16. Pirates of the Carribean
17. Edward Scissorhands
18. Stepmom
19. My Best Friend's Wedding
20. 101 Dalmations
21. Scream
22. Scream 2
23. Scream 3
24. Big Daddy
25. Billy Madison
26. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
27. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
28. Heartbreakers
29. Dumb & Dumber
30. Two Weeks Notice
31. Scary Movie
32. Look Who's Talking
33. Blade
34. Blade II
35. O
36. Titanic
37. Carrie
38. Carrie 2: The Rage
39. Daddy Day Care
40. Legally Blonde
41. Austin Powers
42. Storm of the Century
43. Oliver and Company
44. Two Towers
45. Return of the King
46. Mighty Ducks
47. Fast and the Furious
48. 2 Fast, 2 Furious
49. A Walk To Remember
50. XXX
51. Beauty and the Beast
52. I Know What You Did Last Summer
53. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
54. Sound of Music
55. Mary Poppins
56. Tuck Everlasting
57. The Patriot
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Killing Ms. Tingle
60. Crossroads
61. Now and Then
62. Pearl Harbor
63. Just Married
64. Cast Away
65. Radio Flyer
66. Final Destination
67. Lady and the Tramp
68. Shallow Hal
69. 40 Days and 40 Nights
70. Bring It On
71. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
72. The Outsiders
73. The Matrix
74. Perfect Storm
75. Cruel Intentions
76. Never Been Kissed
77. Clueless
78. Bruce Almighty
79. Remember the Titans
81. Girl, Interrupted
82. SWAT
83. the Sixth Sense
84. PhoneBooth
85. The Lion King
86. Urban Legend
87. Nightflier
88. Lion King 2
89. Little Mermaid
90. American Pie
91. Center Stage
92. Scooby Doo
93. Bedazzled
94. Mrs. Doubtfire
95. Save the Last Dance
96. My Girl
97. American Beauty
98. Romeo & Juliet
99. the Lost World
100. Casper
101. Miss Congeniality
102. The Rock
103. Face Off
104. Moulin Rouge
105. Sleeping Beauty
106. Alien
107. Tombstone
108. Lake Placid
109. The Recruit
110. The Shining
111. Pocahontas
112. French Kiss
113. Pretty Woman
114. Dirty Dancing
115. Italian Job
116. Love Actually
117. Identity
118. The Mummy
119. Drumline
120. Finding Forrester
121. Monster's Inc.
122. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
123. Spawn
124. All I Want
125. Mallrats
126. Dogma
127. Rat Race
128. Stigmata
129. Eye Of The Beholder
130. To Die For
131. Gangs Of New York
132. A Clockwork Orange
133. Chicago
134. Big Fish
135. Donnie Darko
136. Chinatown
137. There's Something About Mary
138. National Security
139. What Dreams May Come
140. Lilo and Stitch
141. Selena
142. Les Miserables; Tenth Anniversary Concert
143. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
144. Oliver
145. The Haunting
146. Jane Eyre
147. Monty Python and The Holy Grail
148. Annie
149. Pleasantville
150. The Goodbye Girl
151. Evita
152. How to Deal
153. Drop Dead Gorgeous
154. Waiting for Guffman
155. The Breakfast Club
156. Best In Show
157. The Last Samurai
158. The Green Mile
159. Jerry Maguire
160. the Talented Mr. Ripley
161. American History X
162. Happiness
163. Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
164. Desperado
165. Dead Man
166. the Shawshank Redemption
167. Jeffrey
168. Fried Green Tomatoes
169. Breakfast at Tiffany's
170. Charade
171. Top Gun
172. The Last of the Mohicans
173. The Passion of the Christ
174. Rockstar
175. Four Weddings and a Funeral
176. Panic Room
177. The Life of David Gale
178. Alice in Wonderland
179. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
180. Soapdish
181. The Exorcist
182. Marci X
183. Uptown Girls
184. Battle Royal
185. Stand by me
186. The gathering
187. Dogfight

sometimes

2004-08-15T23:02:00.000+02:00

sometimes when Im drunk, the world and its habitants look like a really weird kind of sketchy anime...
The feeling that gives me is something that pretty much could explain the past week.
Its been... weird. Sad, bad, confusing, happy, tearing, caring.. all in one. Almost like a swiss knife. Or really not, but you get the point.
Last sunday (was it? Ebi?) or maybe it was monday? I was almost run over three times.. First by a car (hit me in the elbow. I didnt get damaged, surely hope the car did...) then by a small motorcycle and last and most certainly least a bike. The funny thing is that it wasnt my fault.. I was as usual walking around with my mind somewhere else, but Im sure I was as careful as one can get...
Still... three times in the same day within a couple a hours...
Good thing I dont think its a sign..
but what do you think?

new

2004-08-15T00:11:00.000+02:00

hope you like my new weatherpixie..
(right side of the page...down a little)

2004-08-12T16:12:00.000+02:00

enjoying stockholms great views...

post is in today..

2004-08-08T10:27:00.000+02:00

If you are wondering why I havent been posting, its because I dont know how I feel.
Im okay, though right now I feel rejected, outside and alone.
And still I know I will get through it.
I know there will be people fighting side by side with me.
I know its gonna be good... but then again I know it will all go downhill again.

I helped out at the new cafe again yesterday (surely I told you about that? no? well.. my friends mom is starting up a new cafe and Ive been there working some). It was relaxing. Washing windows, dishes, espressomachines, putting chairs and tables together and to their places.
And [pausing.. telephone ringing..]
now I have to go again.
Ill write the rest later.

Edit:
Its now 23.25 pm and I got home a while ago.
Just to get you really confused: Im happy right now.
See how twisted my emotional life is.?
The phonecall was from the coffeeshop. Got to do some work again. nice. moniiiiiii...
And after that I got to see some japanese dance. Pretty, colorful and limber ladies. Happiness I drink thee...
Coffee tasted good after the performance, especially when it was combined with some good ol' shitchating (yea yea spellling errors.. look at me ignoring them ;))
nightly walks with the dog are also highly appreciated...
come to think of it... bye.

check this out!!

2004-08-04T23:16:00.000+02:00

this blew me away!

2004-08-04T21:34:00.000+02:00

As always things have a tendency to change.
Im feeling better. Some people proved to me why I love them. Some others Im still a bit disappointed at, but I guess its gonna improve too.

The period being has been a lot about movies and tv. Why I dont know. Substituting this world?
Some of the ones seen:

Love Actually- big downer. huge in fact. My moviegurus been telling me its gonna be better than I expected. Sadly that wasn't true, though it was okay.

Antitrust- must be one of the worst movies Ive ever seen. But Ryan Philippe is a hottie. yum.

The Gathering- Loved it! See it! Though Im such a wimp it gave me some freaky images...

Movies still left:
Han ni zai yiki (Tillsammans med dig in Swedish) seen half of it, it seems promising
Bangkok dangerous. Also a future promise.

Enough about that. and of this post.

Alone

2004-08-01T15:56:00.000+02:00

How can one feel so lonely in this large, rainy city?
Today Im not even trying to make sense.
Im too disappointed.
People are tearing me apart.
And I cant blame it on anyone else but me.
And I know it, this is what happens if you let your feelings roam free.
If you love, you can expect to get disappointed. That the natural outcome.
Never love, never get hurt. No woman, no cry.
People have been trying to tell that to us a million, billion times before.
Put my thick head never still grasped it. Why couldn't I learn?
*slaps herself silly*
Surely we also would be more alone without those moments of true contact, but I doubt.
Surely I'll be happy again tomorrow. Hopefully.

2004-07-28T19:03:00.000+02:00

one of this towns smallest statues. cute isnt it?

2004-07-28T19:01:00.000+02:00

a completely normal pavement stone that someone decided to brighten up..

Still the headache...

2004-07-27T04:45:00.000+02:00

Ive slept the whole day (monday)
Woke up and the headache was still present, though somewhat supressed.
Stayed awake for a while, washed the dishes, made some food, cleaned some and watched tv. All this while the headache grew again.
So I went back to bed.
Why is it that when you dont wanna answer the phone, thats when people call? anywhoos. I slept even with all the phones here ringing.
Woke up about 11 pm. Sat down in front of the computer, and here I still am...
My head still hurts a little.
Im reeeeeally tired.
Thinks me gonna sleep some more. Have to.

productive headache

2004-07-25T21:45:00.000+02:00

What is it that makes me feel so productive, even if todays been like the laziest day in years.

And yet I still managed to clean, draw, write, watch some anime, fight with the computer, read, watch tv and learned how to make langos!!! YEAH BABY; I really can make langos, aint joking. And they were perfect. [for those of you who dont know: Langos is a hungarian breadlike deepfried kind of foodthingy. Yummy!]

What else is there to do on a sunday when you have no money?

Also Ive had a headache all day [and no its not hangover, I was home yesterday].
Still Im smiling. Youre asking why?
Well... good dreams have a really positive effect on me :D

Sorry, have episodes of certain animes waiting, so youre not getting more details ;P

2004-07-24T21:17:00.000+02:00

Ive added normal comments (after demands) and a random survey thingy. Hope you enjoy it.
I might also write another post later. Maybe.

2004-07-23T04:08:00.001+02:00

see the sunlight

believe it or not this picture is taken in the afternoon.. looks more like night, ne?
Its not the best quality, but I like the colors.

So here I am again, in front of the computer.
Today (yesterday according to the clock) has been a pretty lovely day.
Been spending most of the time with this beauty.
We'we been walking around town, photographing mostly everything... ah, so nice.
Right now Im actually gonna try to sleep some. Been averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night the gone week. A couple of nights with no sleep at all makes one tired also.
Now I really have to press some zzZZZzzz into my head..
In the meantime you can enjoy couple of the pics.

2004-07-23T04:08:00.000+02:00

waateeer

2004-07-23T04:07:00.000+02:00

catching the surroundings

a survey I couldnt resist

2004-07-22T15:42:00.000+02:00

1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.
4. When you're done, add your own to the end of the list.

01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love broccoli.
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books.
06. I once slept in a toilet.
07. I love playing video games.
08. I adore marijuana.
09. I watch porn movies.
10. I watch 'One Tree Hill'.
11. I like sharks.
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colors on their backs.
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair.
14. I like George W. Bush.
15. People are cool.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a Toyota and a pool.
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I know more than two languages really well.
22. I have a secret.
23. I hate rain.
24. I drink health juice.
25. Punk rock rules.
26. I hate Bill Gates.
27. I love Vietnamese food.
28. I would hate to be famous.
29. I am not a morning person.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I have short hair.
32. I have potential.
33. I'm pure Afghan.
34. My legs are two different sizes.
35. I have a twin.
36. I wear those long ass socks.
37. I can roll my tongue.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I'm obsessed w/Italian food.
40. I know how to french braid.
41. I can be pessimistic or optimistic whenever I want.
42. I have a lot of mood swings.
43. I skateboard/snowboard.
44. I think that skateboarders are HOT.
45. I'm in a band.
46. I have talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.
50. I can't swim.
51. My favorite color is blue, red, or white.
52. I practically live in sweatshirts.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would classify myself as either punk or goth.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm a prep, shop at abercombie, and ADMIT IT.
57. I'm obsessed with my journal.
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I know how to square dance just a little bit.
60. I have a unibrow.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mom.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I believe in God.
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65. I know how to play the tuba.
66. I need coffee to live.
67. I have had a boyfriend before.
68. I've rejected someone before.
69. I currently like someone and they have no idea that I like them.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have kids when I get older.
72. I have changed a diaper before. unfortunately.
73. I've called the cops on a friend before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Hilary Duff fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything.
77. I love broadway plays and have been to at least 3.
78. I have no idea who the 38th president was.
79. I plan on seeing Mary Kate and Ashley's new movie.
80. I am completely shy around the opposite sex.
81. I'm online 24/7; not always there though.
82. I have at least 25 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs.
84. I loved Rush Hour.
85. I've read all of the Harry Potter books.
86. If I were a dwarf, I would be Dopey.
87. When I was a kid I played with my G.I. Joe.
88. I don't mind country music.
89. I might die for my friends.
90. I think that Juicy Fruit is the best type of gum.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive and paranoid and extremely jumpy sometimes.
93. I would love to be Demi Moore because Ashton Kutcher's a major hottie.
94. I love the Beatles.
95. I know all the words to 'Barbie Girl'
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy...
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have to fart.
99. I want this damned thing to be over!
100. I'm happy.
101. I am VERY easily amused.
102. I'm angsty
103. I like rock
104. I like Fight Club
105. I absolutely adore mexican food
106. I have a boyfriend/girlfriend
107. I have more than one tarot deck.
108. This survey is way too American.
109. I like Canada
110. I know how to play a guitar/bass.
111: I love tattoos and piercings!!

Questions...

2004-07-22T14:25:00.000+02:00

questions came from the sweet Kaolin..
1. You wake up and realize that your dream wasn’t a dream, you’re naked in the
middle of your office/school. What would you do?
Get dressed? probably try to hide and get somethings to put on, kitchentowles or something.

2. You’ve got three wishes. What do you wish for?
* a huuuuge amount of money. So I can provide me and my family and have the chance to travel and do everything I want to do..
* health, wealth and happiness for those I love
* a different kind of world.

3. So, God came down from heaven and he gave you a choice; either you become
Britney Spears or you have to turn into a power tool. What do you choose? And if
you choose power tool, which one?
Britney Spears. And I would stop making music. Instantly!!

4. How much to you have to drink to become drunk?
depends. but usually about 6-7 beers.

5. You become a serial killer, what would be your way to execute ppl?
hmm.... Though question, since I really cant see myself killing anyone. I guess it would probably be with a hit in the head with something unexpected...
QUESTIONS COMPLETE!

If you want to play too, here are the rules:
1.Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your website with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.